Небольшой урок русского языка для иностранцев

BLYAD (блядь) — literally, "whore". This word is usually encountered in its contracted form "blya"(бля), a particle used mainly for emphasis, adding a touch of lurid color at the end of absolutely any phrase. "Ту chyo, blya?" (Ты че, бля) (What the fuck are you». doing/saying?) could be an act of friendly raillery or the verbal prelude to a headbutt. The B-word is also a common cri-de-coeur: you stub your toe — "Blya!" Some people are so addicted that they use the word to season even the most banal utterance. E.g. "A on, blya, mne skazal, blya, chto ya, blya..." This is the meat in the dumpling of Russian mat — it's impossible to imagine a conversation with a taxi driver without it.

 Khui (хуй) — literally, "cock". The first thing after "hello" that people learn how to say in a foreign language is "fuck off," and some manage to get by thereafter on these two phrases alone. "Idi na khui!" (иди на хуй) is the Russian equivalent, literally meaning "Go to the penis!" Yes, I know it sounds silly in translation. But what make the system of Russian mat so interesting are the derivatives. "Okhuyet" (охуеть) is to be extremely surprised, like when you see your friend Vasya puking in the gutter. He would then report to be feeling "khuyovo" (хуево). Also worth remembering are "Ni khuya sebe!" (ни хуя себе) — "No fucking way!" and the derivative "khuinya" (хуйня) — bollocks, bullshit.

 Pizda (пизда) — literally, "cunt". If you're tired of sending people to the penis, you can send them "v pizdu" (в пизду) for the sake of variety. Derivatives abound from this particularly crude item: your new mobile you might describe as "pizdaty" (пиздатый), or if you doubt the truth of a statement, you could say "Chyo ty pizdish?" (что ты пиздишь?) — "Why are you talking through your...?" Well, you know what. Perhaps the most useful incarnation of this word is "pizdets" (пиздец), meaning a "total fuck up." The phrase "Eto prosto pizdets!" (это просто пиздец) expresses the sublime degree of misery, a predicament where things can get no worse. Anyone been to Kaluga? Perversely enough, a cheery "pizdets!" could mean just, "wow!"

 Mudak (мудак) — literally, "testicle". This word is never used in its original meaning, but has come into common currency to mean an "asshole" or "dickhead," i.e. a man you find disagreeable. This word is at the soft-core end of the mat spectrum, but a phrase like "on polny mudak" (он полный мудак), is still a dire condemnation of anyone it is used to denote. When a shapka-wearing Volga driver cuts you off on the Garden Ring, "mudak!" is what you shout out of your window at him. A younger "mudak" could be tenderly referred to as a "mudachok" (мудачок), while an adult male could also be termed a "mudilo" (мудило) — a particularly unpleasant subspecies of the "mudak".

 Yebat (ебать) — literally, "to fuck". This verb has all the primary meanings you'd expect it to have, with a couple of juicy extras unknown to English. "Zaebat" (заебать) means to exhaust, to make sick of. "On menya zaebal!" (Он мня заебал) means "I'm sick to fucking death of him." For the virtuoso mat-user, "vyebyvatsya" (выебываться) means to show off in some crass or reprehensible way, and for me always conjures up the image of elitny hairdresser Sergey Zveryev. To fuck someone up is "otyebat" (отъебать), and the reflexive form "otyebis!" (отъебись) means "get the fuck away from me!" Also, "zayebis!" (заебись) is a nice mat variant of "khorosho" (хорошо) or "kruto" (круто). For example, "Vsyo zayebis!" (все заебись) — "Everything's fucking great!"

 Srat (срать) — literally, "to shit". This word has spawned a mass of colorful derivatives. An enduring favorite is "zasranets" (засранец) — a pest, often used affectionately. "Obosratsya" (обосраться) literally means to shit oneself, but is most often employed to mean "to fuck up" i.e. "to make an embarassing mistake." To criticize something savagely is "obsirat" (обсирать) — to shit all over it. "Chto ty nashu stranu obsirayesh?" (что ты нашу страну обсираешь?) is a phrase heard by any foreigner who has ever tried to argue with a Russian nationalist. The verb "prosrat'" (посрать) is an obscene version of "to lose". "Opyat nashi prosrali" (опять наши просрали) is what people say after seeing the Russian football team play.

 A combination of the above. The ur-text of Russian mat is, needless to say, the lyrics of Leningrad. The song "Den Rozhdeniya" from the album "Dachniki" culminates in the impressive riff, "Vse zayebalo! Pizdets na khui blyad!" (все заебало, пиздец на хуй блять) roughly translatable as "Fuck it all! Fucking load of bullshit!" In the song, this phrase is the mournful outburst of a man so weary of life that he doesn't even want to celebrate his birthday. Other permutations like "Idi v pizdu, blya, mudak" (иди в пизду, бля, мудак) are also possible. Warning: if English swearing is like beer, Russian mat is like vodka — its effect is stronger and foreigners should be wary when using it. Take your lead from your interlocutor: if they use mat, then you can too.